Our world and personal lives revolve around pursuing different things, such as achievement, security, and self-improvement. We find purpose and motivation in these pursuits. They give us a reason to wake up in the morning and help us understand the meaning behind our existence. We often think that we need to be tough and unaffected by the challenges of life, believing in the idea that it’s a competitive world. But what if God is inviting us to pursue something different? Are there aspects of ourselves that we hold back from God?
The Encounter
This phrase,”In Pursuit of Softness” jumped out at me during a vision board party, where we were creating a visual representation of our intentions for the future at my church’s Women’s Retreat. I think I was drawn to the seemingly contradiction of the words. I, honestly, couldn’t really understand it.By faith, I added it to my board. Here’s my board below!
The phrase exposed some unhealthy belief systems that I cherished thinking they were born out of strength but it was really fear.
In the acknowledgment of the word “softness,” I recognized my aversion to the word. My aversion to softness, comes from my dislike of dependency and fear of not feeling safe. “Softness” screamed exposure. I think I’ve spent much of my life running away from “softness” not pursuing it. The word, softness, evoked fear in me.
Can I trust my surroundings with the delicacy of my vulnerability? Do people truly have the capacity for “my softness”? Will my “softness” change the way people see me? Will I be seen as a liability? Will I survive being confronted by the reality of my “softness”? Why should I pursue softness when it simply seems so risky?
The Confrontation
Incidentally, leading up to the vision board party, I was confronted with emotions I didn’t even have the vocabulary for. I noticed that when I am bombarded with emotions, I avoid my prayer corner. One night, I actually sat in my prayer corner on Tiktok, I heard God said to me, “You’re avoiding me” and all I could say was ” Yes, I am.” then I quickly clarified, “I am not avoiding you, I am avoiding the emotions.” I sat there a little while longer, then gave up and went to bed.
After getting back from the retreat and posting my vision board in my office space, the words, “Pursuit of Softness” continued to jump out at me. The rest of the week, I had no choice but to feel. I felt a lot. All I could do was go to the prayer corner and cry, and somewhere in that I felt like it was welcomed in God’s presence. I got to the point of relying on my tears to tell the story of my heart, because I simply had no language for it. I literally said, “Holy Spirit, I am going to need you to interpret!”
Not one time did I ever feel like, God disapproved of my tears. I felt like it brought us closer. I was showing him a part of myself, I didn’t even like showing myself. Somewhere in my Christian journey, I believed the lie that God wouldn’t understand when I’m sad or overwhelmed to the point of tears.
Jesus & Softness
As I write this I see an image of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus was literally being crushed by what he felt that blood escaped him and on top of that the pain of feeling alone.
Obviously, I wasn’t carrying the weight of the sin of the world, but sometimes the pressure in the moment seems that great. But like Jesus, coming to our Heavenly Father is a safe space to unload. Sometimes, there won’t be friends to call on to stay up with you and pray. We have to embrace the availability of God, even in the moments where we want to disassociate not only from our feelings but our experience.
Redefining Softness
When, “pursuit” is juxtaposed with the word “softness”, it commands stillness not a chase. It commands being present. It commands, the words I don’t even want to say, which is feelings and vulnerabilities.
Therefore, the pursuit of softness, means making a decision to live authentically and vulnerably. I am learning that true worship is when we come boldly to the throne of grace with the delicate parts of us and our experience. The pursuit of softness, is to endeavor to be present and to invite God in. Cue the song, Situation by Jonathan McReynolds .
Therefore, the pursuit of softness, means making a decision to live authentically and vulnerably.
Tanique Somers
The pursuit of softness, is dropping the manmade self-preservation tactics and armor and return to the Edenic experience, where like Adam we are emotionally naked and unashamed. I am learning that what I saw as exposure, is God lovingly revealing the places he wants to be invited in. The enemy wants to expose us, but God wants to reveal to heal us. Softness is the antithesis to the hardened heart. Take a look at this verse:
For the hearts of these people are hardened,
Matthew 13:15 NLT
and their ears cannot hear,
and they have closed their eyes—
so their eyes cannot see,
and their ears cannot hear,
and their hearts cannot understand,
and they cannot turn to me
and let me heal them.’[b]
In this verse, we see that the heart can be hardened, making it impenetrable. God’s desire is for us to be soft and open so that He can heal us. He does not turn away or delight in our suffering.
The Pursuit
Like Paul:
12 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me.
13 No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it,[a] but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead,
Philippians 3:12-13 NLT
I still don’t like seeing myself this vulnerable. It’s new to me. But, every time I yield to revealing my softness to the Lord, I feel more comfortable, just sitting with him, even if I can’t speak. Isn’t that intimacy? I have been praying for that with the Lord, not realizing that it would entail all my moments, all my feelings, all my doubts and all my fears. I don’t know how or what I envisioned intimacy to be like with the All-Knowing One without transparency and honesty.
In the process of unveiling my softness to the Lord, it has helped me to do the same with my church family and others. My church family forces me out of hiding and I think that’s why I was called to this ministry mygen.church (Just in case you need a church family in NYC). I use the word “force” loosely, it’s more like they have created a safe environment for vulnerability.
God invites us to a journey of softening our hearts and senses. He desires to heal and mold us, leading us away from a life of hardness. By embracing a lighter load and relying fully on Him, we can experience a true #softlife, where our hearts are tender and whole. This pursuit of softness involves being open to God’s touch on the delicate areas of our lives, rather than relying on self-sufficiency. Through this, we can truly love Him and others.
8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 NLT
Embrace softness and vulnerability, for it invites us into the presence of God. In surrendering our pain and doubts, God becomes our strength. Spiritual maturity is birthed in this space. Too see more intimate conversations that I have with God, check out the “Convos with the King” chapter in my book “Love-Kingdom Vibes Only.”
